5 Easy Stages to Successful Networking
By Michael Birchmore
You may not realise this but you have been networking all your life. You have been doing it quite naturally every day. It is, in my opinion, simply getting to know people. It probably started between you and your mother. Then your father and siblings then peers and so on.
In the last 30 years networking has become something of an enigma with the emphasis it has been given in the business world and the books and presentations on how to be successful at it.
If it is such a natural activity why am I adding to the pile of theories? Simply because I think that it has got over complicated with the so called "science" of networking that gets bandied about. That and the fact that not everyone finds it easy to make friends.
If networking is, as I believe, getting to know people, people have been doing it since there were more than one person walking this earth. Adam and Eve if you like. I don't doubt that early cavemen "networked" when they helped each other find suitable sources of food and water. They probably networked as they made discoveries of fire and the wheel and spear and slingshot.
Animals too, I believe, network as I seem to remember a nature programme showing how bees communicate through dance and movement and are thought to share locations of pollen. Taking these into consideration you can see how almost since the world began networking has been a vital means in the survival of the species. In many ways that is just as true today as it was then. I suppose it is possible for people and businesses to survive independently of everything and everyone else. Hermits do. But can they thrive?
So back to the 5 stages and what is the first one? Well not surprisingly you need to meet people. The first stage is simply meeting people. As you meet people you begin some form of communication even if it is just "hello!" How or where doesn't matter, as long as you do. If you don't say much your body language will still communicate many things. The 17th century poet, satirist, lawyer and priest John Donne wrote in his work entitled Devotions upon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sicknes - Meditation XVII, 1624:
"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
Although Donne was a Christian this is a philosophy shared by many religions but most notably Buddhism.
Now the second stage is where I differ from other views. Some, I believe, suggest that the second stage should be giving. Their view is that giving establishes and strengthens a relationship. To some extent I do agree with that. Especially the "strengthening" part but not as the second stage. I think that the second stage should be "conversation". As simple as that. With giving there is no point in giving for the sake of giving. I used to be a member of an organisation that rewarded giving and I was a recipient of several business referrals. However, these proved to be not worth the paper they were written on and I think were given so that the giver could get the monthly award. A further example of this relates to the phrase "It's the thought that counts". How often have you been given a Christmas or birthday present that is completely inappropriate....and I don't mean odd jumpers or silly ties? Presents that make you wonder just what was the giver thinking of because clearly they weren't thinking logically about you. When two or more people start conversing they are mutually communicating. Transferring information about themselves between them. Listening and transmitting. Because they are "conversing" they will be more relaxed and therefore more able to take heed of what is being said. Whatever is discussed will help the parties get to know each other better and learn about the other. This in turn will help each party/person to know what the other needs or is looking for so accurate giving can be done. Mutual conversation is also an initial stage to bonding.
Ok, so now is when I think the act of giving can take place. Some networking organisations such as BNI use the phrase "givers gain". Quite possibly as a strapline to attract more members. The idea is that if one person gives to another then the recipient is going to feel more inclined to return the favour. Now I don't like this. The reason being, and this has been voiced by others, is that there is some obligation to return the gift. The phrase itself "givers gain" also implies that the giver is giving in order to gain which to me takes away the philanthropic aspect of the act. I much prefer the attitude mentioned by Bob Burg and John Mann in their book "The Go Giver" that givers attract. It still doesn't take away the aspect that some people might give in order to benefit themselves but this latter version doesn't seem quite so mercenary.
With appropriate giving there will then come a state of bonding between the parties as the fourth stage. Each party will begin to see each other as an asset. A supporter. A friend. In this friendship where hopefully the give and take is reasonably balanced there won't be much, if any, need to worry about having to ask for referrals or building power groups or so much of the stuff about networking that gets published which to me only serves to complicate things more.
This mutual give and take is likely to continue which takes each party to the fifth and final stage of networking which is thriving. Something we all seek to do.
So to conclude, if you want your business to thrive and not just survive go and have a cup of coffee with someone and have a chat. You never know what you'll learn about them and what you can give them as a result and to what good things all that may lead.
So the 5 stages are -
Meet
Converse
Give
Bond
Thrive
Michael Birchmore
In the last 30 years networking has become something of an enigma with the emphasis it has been given in the business world and the books and presentations on how to be successful at it.
If it is such a natural activity why am I adding to the pile of theories? Simply because I think that it has got over complicated with the so called "science" of networking that gets bandied about. That and the fact that not everyone finds it easy to make friends.
If networking is, as I believe, getting to know people, people have been doing it since there were more than one person walking this earth. Adam and Eve if you like. I don't doubt that early cavemen "networked" when they helped each other find suitable sources of food and water. They probably networked as they made discoveries of fire and the wheel and spear and slingshot.
Animals too, I believe, network as I seem to remember a nature programme showing how bees communicate through dance and movement and are thought to share locations of pollen. Taking these into consideration you can see how almost since the world began networking has been a vital means in the survival of the species. In many ways that is just as true today as it was then. I suppose it is possible for people and businesses to survive independently of everything and everyone else. Hermits do. But can they thrive?
So back to the 5 stages and what is the first one? Well not surprisingly you need to meet people. The first stage is simply meeting people. As you meet people you begin some form of communication even if it is just "hello!" How or where doesn't matter, as long as you do. If you don't say much your body language will still communicate many things. The 17th century poet, satirist, lawyer and priest John Donne wrote in his work entitled Devotions upon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sicknes - Meditation XVII, 1624:
"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
Although Donne was a Christian this is a philosophy shared by many religions but most notably Buddhism.
Now the second stage is where I differ from other views. Some, I believe, suggest that the second stage should be giving. Their view is that giving establishes and strengthens a relationship. To some extent I do agree with that. Especially the "strengthening" part but not as the second stage. I think that the second stage should be "conversation". As simple as that. With giving there is no point in giving for the sake of giving. I used to be a member of an organisation that rewarded giving and I was a recipient of several business referrals. However, these proved to be not worth the paper they were written on and I think were given so that the giver could get the monthly award. A further example of this relates to the phrase "It's the thought that counts". How often have you been given a Christmas or birthday present that is completely inappropriate....and I don't mean odd jumpers or silly ties? Presents that make you wonder just what was the giver thinking of because clearly they weren't thinking logically about you. When two or more people start conversing they are mutually communicating. Transferring information about themselves between them. Listening and transmitting. Because they are "conversing" they will be more relaxed and therefore more able to take heed of what is being said. Whatever is discussed will help the parties get to know each other better and learn about the other. This in turn will help each party/person to know what the other needs or is looking for so accurate giving can be done. Mutual conversation is also an initial stage to bonding.
Ok, so now is when I think the act of giving can take place. Some networking organisations such as BNI use the phrase "givers gain". Quite possibly as a strapline to attract more members. The idea is that if one person gives to another then the recipient is going to feel more inclined to return the favour. Now I don't like this. The reason being, and this has been voiced by others, is that there is some obligation to return the gift. The phrase itself "givers gain" also implies that the giver is giving in order to gain which to me takes away the philanthropic aspect of the act. I much prefer the attitude mentioned by Bob Burg and John Mann in their book "The Go Giver" that givers attract. It still doesn't take away the aspect that some people might give in order to benefit themselves but this latter version doesn't seem quite so mercenary.
With appropriate giving there will then come a state of bonding between the parties as the fourth stage. Each party will begin to see each other as an asset. A supporter. A friend. In this friendship where hopefully the give and take is reasonably balanced there won't be much, if any, need to worry about having to ask for referrals or building power groups or so much of the stuff about networking that gets published which to me only serves to complicate things more.
This mutual give and take is likely to continue which takes each party to the fifth and final stage of networking which is thriving. Something we all seek to do.
So to conclude, if you want your business to thrive and not just survive go and have a cup of coffee with someone and have a chat. You never know what you'll learn about them and what you can give them as a result and to what good things all that may lead.
So the 5 stages are -
Meet
Converse
Give
Bond
Thrive
Michael Birchmore
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